never lose the smile

what is it like?
to be liked
to be in love
and be above
all your friends and there worthless dreams
but you have your dream, she calls you
...and you ignore her
but why?
after all this time
would you
dare to do?
to prove to you,
you don't need her...but you do
and soon you'll find out its true
when she leaves you
for another...
I was in love but I was dumb
and lost my love
and now I'm numb............
It hurts when I hear her laugh
Because I'm anything but attached,
to this world, by this girl
who won't say hi or smile at me the way she used to...
I'm not angry, in my silence I now know myself...
I am weak,
I wasn't jealous or angry I was scared!
Frightened out of my mind by this girl who was, no is my world
I would try so hard to hide
my thoughts of her, but low and behold I've lost her
to another to a Friend? to a brother?
now my enemy, it's an epiphany,
i scream as I hear myself go crazy
slowly but surely...
but...shes happy
isn't that good?
she doesn't need to know how i feel, it would hurt her
but I lost her
and I'm so weak ...
but everything i was taught says to grit my teeth
NO EMOTION NO TEARS
BE A MAN MORE MATURE THEN YOUR YEARS
SHOW HER YOU DON'T NEED HER SMILE
LAUGH BOY LAUGH WHEN SHE'S AROUND...
but i do, need her smile
she was/is my life...
*(a thought if i may)
If she was my life, and i lost her, am I still alive? I still hate, love and breath but none of thee, above can shake that feeling that a part of me has died. Maybe that's why i wont let go, without her I'm just not whole.
*(thank you for your time but i digress)
I've asked her countless times, do you love me?
I get no's and fear of them not being lies again in my thoughts
GRIT YOUR TEETH BOY FUCK SOMEONE ELSE
SHE'LL BE MISERABLE WITHOUT YOUR HELP
TRICK HER BOYFRIEND
PUNCH HER LOVER
MAKE HER CRY AND AND FIND ANOTHER
secretly i wish for her to be happy
it kills every living part of me
and i grind my teeth down on my tongue
as i know hers envelopes another one
and no longer sad, i cry
for fear
that i lost someone so near
but as she walks in i wipe away the tear
and smile as though
things aren't what the appear